PREPARING FOR THE END OF THE WORLD

The world will end on December 21st, 2012.

I understand that the world was actually also meant to end on May 21, 2011 according to US preacher Harold Camping and a reported 40 million others, but I was busy on that day on my way to a board meeting in Switzerland and therefore missed it all. Camping has now reset his forecast of Doomsday to October 21, 2011. It appears that he made an arithmetic error in his initial calculation when “subtracting the number he first thought of”, though the one common element remains that it will happen on the 21st of some month.

Author: Lenin and McCarthy; via Wikimedia Commons


One outcome is that I’ve stopped trying to lose the 10 kilos that I promised myself I would shed in my last New Year’s resolution. If the world is due to end in about 18 months on the winter solstice next year, dieting now seems to be somewhat pointless. This is good news not only for me but for overweight people everywhere… they may as well eat up as it will make little difference anyway, as we will be judged by our deeds rather than by our BMI.

This date of 21st December, 2012 for the World’s end seems to be the one that is most widely agreed upon, whether you believe the Mayan b’ak’tun, being the end of the 5125 year-long cycle of the Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar, predictions from Nostradamus or the Hopi Indians belief that the world will go through a destruction and renewal at this same time.

Mayan Calendar; Author: Truthanado; via Wikimedia Commons


Anyway, Hollywood legitimised it all with the disaster movie “2012” so it must be true.

It is not 100% certain how this end will come about, some soothsayers predicting a destabilisation of the Earth’s core, some foretelling Earth’s collision with a black hole and others foreseeing a collision with a rogue planet called “Nibiru”, which to me sounds more like something you would find on a sushi menu, than a serious threat to earth’s survival.
Fundamentalist Christians see this as the Armageddon (“End of Days”) when the Messiah will return to the earth and then take 200 million Christians with him to heaven whilst the other 6.8 billion of us perish in eternal hell fires. I never realised that Heaven had such limited seating and a ceiling on available harps, but it looks as though it will be even harder to get in than getting tickets for the London Olympics.

Based on the fact that the end of the world will be only a few weeks after the US Presidential elections on Nov 6th, I am sure that Republicans believe that this will come about as God’s punishment if President Obama wins a second term in office, and Democrats will be nervous that it will potentially happen if a newly elected President Sarah Palin decides to test out the big red button in her nuclear-scenario-buffalo-skin-briefcase, called “The Football”.

So, if one does believe that this time around there is some strong support for the world ending on December 21, 2012, how do we prepare for and survive this apocalyptic event? As it may be a bit hard to get in to that favoured 200 million (odds of 35:1 if we just include the living candidates alone, and not all the dead rising up as well), is there something we can do to try and survive, or possibly be overlooked, or at least have a great time and go out with a bang.

A few possibilities to consider:

1. Some people in France believe that you can survive by being in the region called the Gers on December 21st.
I feel that this is a distinct possibility as it is an isolated and boring part of the country and if God was going to overlook any place in France it could conceivably be the Gers.

Author: fr:Utilisateur:Rinaldum; via Wikimedia Commons


2. Kiwis believe that their country is “God’s own” and it would therefore be unlikely that God would allow any harm to come to his own domain. This to me seems somewhat optimistic as there appears to be an attempt to destroy the country beforehand as a warning to others. To the people in my home town of Christchurch, the end of the world can only come as relief from the never ending earthquakes.

3. Greeks have decided that nothing could be worse for them than the conditions imposed by the EU financial bailout. They have therefore decided to hold a national strike on that day to protest against the EU conditions that will try and force Greeks to actually pay some taxes, which is akin to ending their world anyway.

4. The Irish have been living their entire lives as though the world was going to end tomorrow so as far as they are concerned December 21, 2012 will be treated as just another day, and “feck the consequences”.

Author: Firebelly (own work); via Wikimedia Commons


5. In Australia, December 21 is at least one week into the annual summer holidays so the entire population will be trying to squeeze onto Bondi beach and struggling to keep their “tinnies” cold in the 40C heat. Though there will be very few Aussies with seats on the “heaven express”, it is definitely a good place for a final party, as heat levels will be close to those in Hell anyway, and so good acclimatisation.

Author: Andrea Schaffer; via Wikimedia Commons/Flickr


6. The UK will be in the throes of another cold and wet spell. The roads will be closed because they will have yet again run out of grit to sand them (though a shipment will be on the way from Egypt), and everyone will be at home watching re-runs of Coronation Street. It will be hard to get there anyway as it’s a good chance that Heathrow airport will not be able to stay open in the inclement weather, and most Brits will welcome the warmth that Hell will bring.

Based on these available options open to me, I have decided that we may as well stay at home in Tabanac drinking our last 2 bottles of 1982 Haut Brion. As we sit about 150 metres above sea level, the approaching floodwaters will at least enable us to experience the feel of a waterfront property, even if only for a few moments.

The interesting thing is that the descendants of the Mayans will just be getting on with their lives, as they believe that this is only a date changeover, and that it is just time to start counting down the next 5125 years in their calendar’s cycle.

Ah well, at least it will finally give me a good reason to pull the corks on the Haut Brion after 30 years of waiting.

Advertisements

15 Responses to PREPARING FOR THE END OF THE WORLD

  1. Sam Bodeen says:

    You left out the USA, where most of these predications are embraced.
    One of the ladies on the View recently owned up to believing one of these predictions in the past, went out and bought herself a diamond ring, ate at fabulous restaurants, treated herself to every indulgence she could think of and ran up all credit cards to the max, only to discover the day after the “end of the world” that she was now responsible for paying back those ridiculous bills she had run up.
    Gullible is my first thought, maybe that is why the rest of the world would be at the beach and not waiting for the end.
    Sam

  2. leshayman says:

    Hi Sandy,
    Most of these “stupidities” do seem to originate in the US … like hula hoops and yo-yo’s.
    Maybe that is why we should keep away from the US on 21 December 2012.
    Anyway the US has obviously decided not to wait till then, as their political leaders seem to be intent on destroying the country themselves rather than waiting for the wrath of god.
    Les

  3. Tim Ebbeck says:

    Les, harsh call on Australia “mate”. Australians are already in Heaven. Nil sum game for us!

  4. leshayman says:

    Tim,
    That still only accounts for about 20 million leaving 180 million seats still available.
    Anyway, that;s why I’ve kept my home in Sydney … just in case you are right.
    Les

  5. Nickie says:

    Hi Les
    What a bugger supposed to be skiing after that date i guess heaven has a high altitude i might still get lucky. Just in case i might stock up on marshmallows for the hell fires mum tells me i was a little devil.
    Regards Scott

  6. leshayman says:

    Scott,
    You may need to learn how to come down a lava flow on asbestos parabolics.
    Les

  7. Susan Dalton says:

    Hey Les! I enjoyed reading your blog about the end of the world — I think it is definitely time for all of us to live to the fullest if only because we are getting older each minute. I am more worried about ME ending than the WORLD ending! I also think you are a fine writer — Best Regards, Susan

  8. leshayman says:

    Susan, i am with you 100% … It all ends some time so we should live our lives like that time might be soon … Thanks for the kind words. Les

  9. AJ says:

    Hi Les,
    It was indeed a well crafted humorous take on the doomsday and country wise reaction. Enjoyed it thoroughly. The article mentions of domsday date as Oct 21,2011 in the beginning of the blog “Camping has now reset his forecast of Doomsday to October 21, 2011.” I guess that it is a typo.
    Regards,
    AJ

  10. leshayman says:

    Hi AJ,
    October 21, 2011 is Camping’s new forecast for Doomsday, as his previous one for May 21, 2011 went by with not even a whimper.
    The majority of the Doomsayers are also disregarding Camping and are going for December 21, 2012.
    I am disregarding Camping as he has proved that he knows little about Doom, so feel I should not sacrifice my 1982 Haut Brion on his timing.
    Les

  11. PriyankaSAP says:

    Hello Les,
    really liked your article. You conveyed a very important message to “Live life to fullest” in a very humurous way.
    Regards,
    Priyanka

  12. leshayman says:

    Thanks Priyanka … that is exactly what I wanted to say while taking a poke at those who look for disasters rather than the wonder of living.
    Les

  13. Hello, As far as science go’s I think it’s more likely that the world would end in 2012 with the galactic alignment than October 21, 2011. But most likely nothing will happen at all except for us slowly killing the world with the green house effect.

  14. leshayman says:

    Hi Hopi prophecy,
    Ultimately it will be a race between whether we first strangle ourselves economically or through poisonous air.
    Les

  15. myself says:

    I think those people who’s gone in bunkers under grounds or somethig should be there anddo not come out, Unless they want to get i lot of “I TOLD YOU SO” LOL

    he he he he he he

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: